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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006

Time:10:02 pm.
Mood: depressed.
God I feel so alone and empty right now. Its been a while since i've felt so.... depressed. I cant bare being alone. I cant bare to look at myself in the mirror right now. I feel so dark and volatile right now. So many thoughts going through my head. A moments peace is all I ask. A connection with another human is all I want.
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Monday, October 31st, 2005

Time:7:55 am.
Mood: Festive.
Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What are you guys' plans for tonight? i'm taking Az out for his first trick ot treating expirience!!! ( he's going to be a little devil, i'll post pix later).Then Erin's coming over to my mom's with me and Az for homemade chili and i'm making pumpkin cheesecake. yum yum. This Halloween is definitely alot more tame that Halloween's of my past. But, I'm a mommy now. And strangley, sitting @ home with my family, and best friend, all the people i love most, with some good food sounds great. Good company and good food. What could beat that? lol Hope you guys have a great Halloween!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, October 1st, 2005

Time:9:40 am.
Mood: contemplative.
me and mark are done. im moving into a house with Az. Mark is already with another girl. can you say rebound? i sure can. its funny cuz she probably doesnt know that 2 weeks ago he was sleeping in my bed with me and 3 weeks ago we fucked. oh well. she can have my sloppy seconds. im so ready to move on. theres been too much hurt between us. im not going to lie, it hurts that hes aleady with someone else. and it doesnt help thst hes trying to smear it in my face. oh well. everyone keeps saying im better off. i guess i am. we'll see.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, July 24th, 2005

Subject:Bye-Bye! :(
Time:4:36 pm.
Mood: sad.
Well, it just wanted to let everyone know that im getting my internet/cable shut off on monday. So, that means this will probably be the last entry for a while or at least until i go to my mom's house to use the net. im just waaaaaaaaaaaay too poor and im tired of struggling from paycheck to paycheck. i decided that im gonna basically cut down on everything that i dont absolutely need. Unfortunaley, cable/internet were one and using the air conditioner was another. sux to be poor. see ya later alligators! :(
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, July 17th, 2005

Time:8:06 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
i got food poisening!!! ive been sick since friday. this sucks. i cant keep any food in me. just when i think im going to be ok and i try to eat something, my tummy craps up and it all comes pouring out!!!! God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, June 8th, 2005

Subject:My Life=Crapilicious
Time:4:28 pm.
Mood: drained.
so, yesterday was horrible. plain ol' horrible. First off ive been having relationship probems of the crappiest kind. Az was super sick. And then to top it all off my rat, Lilith, died. Gawd, it was horrible. i literally WATCHED her take her last breath. I heard her rustling around in her cage and went over to give her some of her favorite treats and i found her convulsing. i froze and started sobbing. The same thing happened to my guinea pig when i was in 5th grade. she stopped convulsing and i thought she dead, so i went to pick her up and she started twitching. i held her while she took her last breath. i couldnt hold it together. I rescued her. Someone had abbandoned her at a Starbucks and i took her in, she was already full grown at the time so i never really knew how old she was. and i had her for almost 3 years. It was so horrible to watch her convulse. i wish she could have gone more peacefully. it kills me. i love all animals whether they be big of small, rat or dog. As soon as i could compose myself enough, i took her into work and im having her cremated. I should be getting her remains back in about 1 week. The one thing that put my heart at ease was how peaceful she looked as i laid her in an old shoe box with one of Az's old baby blankets. i will miss you, Lilith.

Work wasnt all that great either. As usual i had to deal the idiot public who dont know how to take care of their animals. bleh. some anonymous moron dropped off this old dog friday night/early saturday morning with a note saying "she is old and sick and needs to be put down". GAWD!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE!!!! first off, the dog want even THAT old!!!! by the looks of her teeth she is only like 7 or 8. the only problems she appears to have is a bit of hip dysplasia and some sort of skin problem (probably mange, severe flea infestation, of a thyroid problem)other that that she apprears fine! she has a healthy appetite, walks fine,and goes to the fine fine as well. The dr. who owns the practice said that if we couldnt find someone or a rescue to take her that he was going to put her down. Needless to say i've been trying to find a rescue. there's no way im going to let him euthanise her!!! Someone came in from rescue that specializes in disabled and senior animals. She took some pictures and is going to try and get her rescue to take her. so keep yur fingers crossed!!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 5th, 2005

Subject:Here we go......
Time:6:41 pm.
Mood: ditzy.
01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal

These answers concerning me were done by the splendiforous Witheringkiss!!!! Gotta luv her!!

01. You have always been there for me, through pen and paper
and the internet you have a heart of gold.
02. mary-oingo boingo
03. 5pm
04. Genuine
05. Well we've never exactly hung out but the most memorable moment
would be when I got to talk to you on the phone that one time while I was at the thrift store :)
06. Ferret
07. How you've been lately I really seen any posts missy :P
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, June 2nd, 2005

Subject:Any Good 80's clubs?
Time:12:37 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
i really wanna go to an 80's club this weekend. anyone know any good ones in LA? man.... i havent been out "clubbing" in..... uhhh forever??
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Time:12:20 pm.
Mood: stressed.
I cant believe its already thursday. geez. it seems like it was just memorial day. i actually went swimming on memorial day. amazing!!! i got tan. yeck! :( but overall it was a nice day. Az went swimming in a really pool for the first time. ( i shall post pix later) I also got Mark to swim in these cool Captain Morgan swim trunks!!! tee hee hee!!!

Ive been super stressed lately. i have a test for a county job on june 16th. its for intermediate typist clerk, so im trying to brush up on my typing skills. i didnt realize how much my skills had depleted!!! not good!!! i really need this job. they get paid about 16 buckaroos an hour plus full benefits!!! yeee haw!!! so wish me luck guys. im gonna need it!.

Im totally hating the medi-cal/wic system right about now. they sent me some bullshit saying there canceling Az medi-cal!!!! wtf???!!! i KNOW its not cuz i make too much money. ::snorts with laughter:: im ALWAYS broke!!! so ihave to go down to the office (oh joy) next tuesday and bring in a whole crapload of shit. :( they canceled my fuckin medi-cal. and i have no clue why. i hate the welfare system. i guess since i speak english and was born here i dont need help. pphhfft. i think the only reason i get as much help as i do is cuz my last name is rodriguez!!! ok. im done ranting bout that.

im going back to school this coming fall, yay for me! im only taking like 2 night classes to start with. me and erin are taking psch together in hopes that we can kick eachother in the ass and not slack off. i didnt realize how frickin expensive school got. daaaaaaaamn!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, April 18th, 2005

Subject:My Weekend...
Time:5:44 pm.
Mood: drained.
Well.. i have to admit it wasnt as titalating (what a lovley word!!!!!) as i would want.. but hey... whatever.

Friday.... shit i forgot what i did friday night. Must not have been memorable.

k... lets try this again... shall we? Saturday.... i worked till about 3pm. got home a vegged the hell out on the couch and read the new Poppy Z. Brite for a tad bit. and i decided that im going to plant a garden in my mom's backyard. fun fun. though im still trying to figure out how im gonna plant the garden and take care of it while not getting sun exposure. Sun makes me loco. :(

Sunday went to Venice beach with Mark and Az. it was Az's first time at the beach. so cute!!! stupid me forgot to bring money.... insert sad face. there was a wino guy singing songs trying to convince ppl to give him $ to get drunk. there were also stupid "street" punks trying get 5 bux to get kicked in the balls. i told em id do it for free. they didnt find that too funny. eh... oh well. there were these amazing paintings this one street vendor was selling. they were gorgeous frida kahol and dia del muertos themed art. i drooled then kicked my self in the head for forgetting cash. i wanna go back next weekend and buy this purple frida kahlo one. I LOVE FRIDA KAHLO!!!!! we had subway... came home and passed out from too much sun exposure.

too be quite honest... i think im stilling feeling the drain today from all that sun yesterday. im dead tired. bleh. ok well that was my weekend. gotta go workout now. ta-ta
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, April 14th, 2005

Subject:EEEEEPPPP!!!! No fuckin way.....
Time:3:34 pm.
Your Celebrity Life..Fame or Shame? by William_Wilson
Your Name
You are Dating..
Your Celebrity Rival is
Rumors are that You Fucked..but you did'nt
You instead Secretly Fucked..
This Person Wants You..
You got Into a Fight With
Your Talents Get Compared to..
Drugged you to take advantage one erotic night
Who Stole and Sold your Sex Tape
Who you made the tape with
Quiz created with MemeGen!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:3:15 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Last night i went to Poppy Z. Brite's book signing in Burbank at Dark Delacasies (a book store). It was awesome to meet one of my favorite authors. I thought that i would be totally calm about meeting her, but the closer i got to her the more nervous i got, the clammier my hands got. EEp. Even my best friend Erin was getting all twitchy and shes usually as cool as a cucumber. (personally.... i think she was feeding off my wierdo vibes). But anyways... it was powerful meeting her. all i could do was look at her and mumble something incoherent to her... something about her being a great author... i totally balked. i feel like a moron. Oh well. The good that came out of this....? Well besides the fact that i got 2 books signed.... i found an interesting book store that completly caters to my taste in reading material. Absolutely thrilling!!!

Its sad. My relationship with M has completly deteriorated. Theres nothing there anymore... just resentment and anger. I'll always love him because he gave my my gorgeous, loving son. Its not the same and it never will be. Im spending more time with my friends then with him. We havent been out together in forever. i cant even remeber. But i dont even want to spend time with him. He's so rude and spiteful to me. I cant stand him anymore. I cant stand the way i loathe him. It makes me feel so empty and horrible. Everyone deserves to be loved. He deserves to be loved no matter what and i cant give that ti him. I cant give give him what he needs. I am a strong, stubborn, intelligent, independent woman... he needs a door mat. I just want to start a new life with me and Azriel. I just want to be happy and respected and loved.... not taken for granted. bleh.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Friday, April 8th, 2005

Time:2:11 pm.
Mood: chipper.
im back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, January 24th, 2005

Time:4:55 pm.
Mood:ya da ya da ya daa.
1. Reply to this post if you'd like some ego boosting.

2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you, only you, and why I think whatever I do about you.

3. Post these instructions in your journal and pass it on.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005

Subject:List of goals:
Time:8:06 am.
Mood: contemplative.
I need to start doing more for myself to help everyone else. If im happy with myself then i'l be happier with others. so these are my goals!!!

1. Lose weight!!! (im at the heavisest ive ever been, partly from child, being lazy and depression)
a.Start using my Curves membership!!!
b. eat healthy!
c. Take Azriel for walks at the park on my days off!!
d. just frickin GET HEALTHY!!!!!

2. Go back to school!!
a. get a Pierce college class schedule
b. decide when would be best to start
c. apply for financial aide

3. Go back to therapy!!!
a. Call Amy to see if she can see you again.
b. work out a way to pay for it.
c. start writing a journal again!

OK so that its for now..... wish me luck!!!!
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Time:7:41 am.
Mood: drained.
Ok. So, I haven't written in a long time. I really hadnt been in the mood. But, Right now i really need support for what im doing in this current point in time. Im leaving the father of my son. Why? Because im tired of always being unhappy, unappreciated, angry, and guilty all the damn time!!!! I've been unhappy since i got pregnant. ( not because i was pregnant, but rather the situation it brought to the table.) I love and care for Mark, but sometimes thats not enough. He's so cold and moody. I KNOW im not the easiest person to get along with, but nonetheless, i admit when im wrong and apologize!!!! According to him about 99% of our fights are because of me. I sincerely doubt that!!!!! i work part time, then the rest of the day i spend taking care of our son, cleaning, cooking, paying the rent and bills, dealing will ALL the paper work. I dont get shit for appreciation!!!!! I recently talked to his cousin about this and she told me basically what i had suspected all along... he's been this way his whole life. I dont want to teach a grown man how to love, care, and show appreciation!!! I already have a baby to take care of. So, i called my mom last night to tell her what was going on and she agreed it was best thing to do. ::sighs:: so i guess its over, guys. Me and him have an apartment together. Ovbiously we're going to have to break the lease and im going to move back home. Ugh. My brother took my old room, so im stuck in his small atmoic green room. not good. but if thats what it takes to get myself back, then i'll do it. im not me. i dont know who i am. I've been looking at the pros and cons of this whole decision. and im scared as hell that i may be doing the wrong thing. but in my heart of hearts i KNOW im doing the right thing. he cant change!!! and im not about to become a submissive mindless housewife!!! i am who i am. and i am most certainly NOT that!!!!! I want my son to be raised in a happy loving enviorment, how could i give him that if i was unhappy allllll the time? Im ready to start a new life with my son. So, the plan is to move back home and im going to start therapy again. I know i need to work out a couple issues within myself before i can Start living my life fully and go into another serious relationship.
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, December 12th, 2004

Subject:i hate being so superstitous... sorry guys
Time:5:15 pm.
A girl died in 1933 by a homicide murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 28th, 2004

Time:6:45 pm.
Mood: tired.
Hello. just thought id update. they move to the apartment is goin well. Az is adjusting good! so yay!! no sleepless night up with the bebe. Azriel Is teething though. UGH! its so cute though, he's alreadt cut a tooth and another is on the way... gotta load up on baby ora-gel. all 3 of us were sick. Az is pretty much over it but me and mark have a lingering cough and congestion. ehh oh well. i made sum really yummy pumpkin and chocolate cupcakes. yum yum. One of the major good things about having our own place is that we are having more sex. yay for me!! lol and we're able to be loud and freaky. lol. im sure tmi!!! anyways... im looking forward to halloween, its gonna be Az's first halloween!!! fun fun. We're getting a house phone installed on monday... so here;s the number. call me!!! i get bored and lonely!!! 818-705-2652. CALL ME!!! i feel like such a mother... its great hah lol. i cant wear any of my "nice" clothes because i always smell like and am covered with baby food and spit up. well anyways guys... i gotta go. im at my mom's house.. still dont have internet. i feel so out of the loop!!!!
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Monday, October 4th, 2004

Time:8:02 pm.
someone want to go to this really old graveyard in chatsworth and trAce gravestones with me?
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Friday, October 1st, 2004

Time:8:07 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
ok... well, before i begin my rant, let me give you some background. Mark(my boyfriend and father of my son, Azriel) has a daughter(we'll call her T) with another woman (we'll call her CuntFace). we just found out yesterday that T was taken away from CuntFace for reasons i wont go into (let me just say that someone is gonna rot in hell or perhaps get killed and raped in prison,preferably both for wat they did). Mark wants custody of T, which i have no problem with except we only have a 1 bedroom. Mark's family is all excited over the prospect of getting T back. and theyre all bending over backwards to accomadate her. i hope we get her so she can have a stable,loving home enviorment. im just kinda overwhlemded by all of this... ive barely just become a mother to my own little son... much less a mother to a 9 year old ive never met. im just sooo.... worried that as soon as T gets here everything is gonna be focoused on her and not on Azriel (my son). his family is willing to help us now that T is possibly coming..... wat about all the times we needed help getting a place for my Az and mark?? they never helped us financially and bent over backwards for us. it just kinda pisses me off.and mark was telling me.... "dont be surprised that when T comes that theres gonna be presents pouring in for her" wat about Azriel? is he like shit or something??? i dunno maybe im just being selfish of immature.afterall this poor little girl went through hell. but im not liking the fact that everyone is willing to pull out all the stops for T but not for Azriel.... im hurt and frustrated.... ::sigh:: FUCK... i cant get wat im feeling feeling emotionally constipated!!! im not saying anything right!!!
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Angelica.

View:User Info.
View:Website (Enter of you dare!!! MUAHAHAHAHA).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.